Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
