we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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