i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
