you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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