It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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