im six kinds of drunk right now
she looked like the before picture.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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