My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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