it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Randomize
