i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I see more hoeing in ur future
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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