and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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