Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
