Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
