while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
