i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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