Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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