I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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