smell my finger.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
