I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
