dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
