I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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