What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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