Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
