Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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