I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
