she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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