I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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