I got chris browned last night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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