that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I looked at my own cervix.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
