I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
