I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
