took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
