Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if only i could text you this smell
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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