I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
