there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
