If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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