Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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