the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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