Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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