How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
