I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
