His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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