Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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