God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
