well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
