Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
