does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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