my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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