I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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