Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize