he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
