I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
