update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
