I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize