There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Congratulations! We have a period
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
