physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my poor anus
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
