dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
