At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
