8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize