This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
