I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your penis caused this!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
