Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
