Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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