He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
