i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
