I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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