She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
