I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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