how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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