I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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