where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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