Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
