its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
