He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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