There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize