i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize