Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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