yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
