I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
