I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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