Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
