She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
