I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
