i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
