I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
