oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
