I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
