How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
