I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
