called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
